Episode 113 - Antonio Perez on Coming Out and Living with MS

In this special episode for Pride Month, I had the pleasure of chatting with Antonio Perez. Antonio shared his experiences as a member of the LGBTQ+ community living with multiple sclerosis. We delved into topics ranging from his MS symptoms to his journey of self-discovery and coming out. Antonio's openness and authenticity shone through as he shared his personal stories and struggles.

Antonio discussed his MS symptoms, including recent issues due to the Texas heat. We also explored Antonio's journey of self-discovery, from realizing his attraction to boys in third grade to coming out to friends and family.

Antonio shared his experiences with dating and relationships, highlighting the challenges of navigating the dating scene as a gay man with MS. We discussed the impact of social media, particularly TikTok, on Antonio's life and how it has helped him connect with others in the LGBTQ+ and disability communities.

Antonio offered advice for people who might be hesitant to come out, emphasizing the importance of finding supportive communities and events like pride celebrations.

DISCLAIMER
The information in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment.

Links and resources:

Sign up for the 10 Weeks to Disrupt MS Program

Connect with Antonio on TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram
Listen to Move It Or Lose It podcast Episode 093 - MS Warrior Antonio Perez

If you're interested in having Kathy speak at your event, learn more here
Find out more about the DMAT Fitness Training program

You can find Kathy Chester at:
msdisrupted@gmail.com
disruptfitnessgym@gmail.com
moveitorloseit109@gmail.com

Connect with @msdisrupted on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok

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Transcript

Katy Chester:
Hello, I'm your host, Kathy Chester, and welcome to the Move It or Lose It podcast, a podcast about all things that move the mind, body, and soul. The Move It or Lose It podcast is for information, awareness, and inspirational purposes only. I am not a doctor and I don't even play one on TV. So please consult with your doctor before making any medical decisions. The views expressed by advertisers, guests, or contributors are their opinions and not necessarily the views of the Move It or Lose It podcast. Hello, welcome to another edition of Move It or Lose It. So today, you might remember from last year, we have to go back to the episode. I've got Antonio Perez. Welcome, Antonio.


Antonio Perez:
Thank you, Kathy. I appreciate it.


Katy Chester:
Absolutely. I love having you. Happy Pride Month.


Antonio Perez:
Yes. Happy LGBTQ plus Pride Month. Thank you. I don't know. I run out of breath when I say it because it's so long.


Katy Chester:
Yeah, I just I like the plus because then it just covers all the other letters that are coming up. I really appreciate you coming on and us having this discussion and as a mom. and an advocate, it means so much to me. Now, I can't get my son on here, but his roommate's like, I'll be on, Mom. I'll come on. So I'm going to have him on. But my son's like, Mom, no, I can't do this. But he gave me a bunch of questions. I'm like, you have great questions, but he won't do it. So thank you, Antonio.


Antonio Perez:
Thank you for asking me to do this with you. I really appreciate it.


Katy Chester:
Obviously, June's a great time to highlight it, but it's such a topic that is so close to my heart, and you know, for so many reasons, but being in ministry for so many years and seeing how you guys were treated in church, especially, and it just broke my heart. And I was always trying to break that and trying to figure out, like, how do I, as one woman, change this whole thing? And, you know, that's always been my heart is I'm going to change the world. This is such a big part of what I love to do. And so you're in Texas now and not here, so I can't see you. How hot is it today?


Antonio Perez:
Today it is 96.


Katy Chester:
MS perfect weather the best. Yeah, so did you go out and just kind of soak in the heat and the sun?


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, I've taken my daily dose of vitamin D. I go outside for about 1520 minutes every morning. Do you really? It's kind of humid. Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. We've had a couple of really hot days that my little therapy dog, I'm like, girlfriend, we got to go early or late. This middle of the day thing is just not working for me. I know that that's super hot. So how are you feeling? MS wise legs?


Antonio Perez:
I've been having a new symptom recently pop up, but I think it's because of the Texas heat here. Yeah, I get super itchy. My body.


Katy Chester:
Yeah, you had said that it felt like there was almost like ants or something like crawling on you.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, so I would wake up at weird times of the hour at night around 2am, 4am, even 7am. Feeling super itchy, hot. Somebody recommended I start eating grapes, frozen grapes to cool off. Really? Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Did you do it?


Antonio Perez:
No, not yet. Because I haven't really been, I guess, getting it too much. I think the last time I got it was like maybe two days ago. And that's when I found out. Yeah. I almost wanted to jump in a really cold shower to cool off, but I just had a glass of water because I was too lazy.


Katy Chester:
Yeah, I wonder if it's if it happens again if you get into a cold shower that will just kind of like ease it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I told you I was reading up on a couple of things, trying to figure out what that was. And one of the articles I read said that if you're overheated or if it's in that, that can happen. So it was a symptom that I had had like years ago. When I realized it, what brought me like thinking about it, it was when I was in Oklahoma and it was so hot and I was like, oh, that's why I thought maybe it's the heat.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, because I moved back to Texas, it started happening again. Once in a while, I'll happen when I go outside to a store or something, but now it's more happens every night almost.


Katy Chester:
Wow. When's your next time you visit your doctor?


Antonio Perez:
I actually don't have a doctor right now. Oh, concerning me because waiting for Texas benefits to take in such as. So I have no health insurance right now.


Katy Chester:
kind of Antonio scaring me. All right, something that I'll be praying for you about. Holy cow. Yeah, that's nerve wracking. So how long do you think it's going to take to kick in?


Antonio Perez:
I've been waiting on my application to be seen for two months now. So hopefully soon. I know I have to get my annual MRI, my meditation, a PCP. my CT scan, my Botox and my calf muscle. It's a lot.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. Let's talk a little bit about that after some ideas that I have that you can get that kind of moving a little quicker. Yeah. So I wanted to ask you a couple of questions that I just for fun. First off, I do want to talk about the MS diagnosis so people understand. So when were you diagnosed?


Antonio Perez:
I was diagnosed with PPMS, primary progressive multiple sclerosis, January 8th, 2022.


Katy Chester:
So you skipped right over. You didn't do the relapse and remitting. It was like, forget that. I'm a big deal. I don't have time for like the little stuff. I'm going to jump right into progressive. So how are you feeling now with like legs?


Antonio Perez:
Most of the time in the mornings, I wake up really tight in my legs. So I have to do some stretching and yoga. And by probably 11 o'clock it goes away and then it comes back as the day goes on because I get very tired. So around five is when I can't do anything anymore.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. So does it help when you're stretching? Does it give you some more ability to use like your legs? What fatigues the quickest? The legs?


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, the legs. And it's only on my right side of the body.


Katy Chester:
My right leg. Was it always the right side?


Antonio Perez:
Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Interesting, because I always find that when I'm training, everybody has a side. Mine's always the left, because that's when I went paralyzed was my left side. And so I always find it interesting that most people have a side that has either gone paralyzed or they have the most trouble with.


Antonio Perez:
My doctor told me it's because of where my lesions lie on my spine that affects the right side.


Katy Chester:
It doesn't make sense. When was the first time that you knew that there was something different, that you knew that like, okay, I'm not looking at girls. I think that I might be really attracted to boys.


Antonio Perez:
I believe the first revelation for me that I liked boys was in third grade. How early? This soccer player, yeah.


Katy Chester:
And you just walked by and you were like, dang, Literally. So you knew pretty early when that happened, obviously, at third grade, you don't know what to think. You're not going to be like sharing that with anyone yet. So as you grew older, was there any sort of a temptation to look at at girls at all or was it right from there? It was just it started with the boys and then it just that's where it kept going. And did you ever feel pressure like, oh, OK, I'm going to go on this date with a girl? I don't really feel it.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, when I was growing up, my family would always look towards me for dating women. I was really attracted to girls. I believe the only girl I had a crush on was back in freshman year, ninth grade. And that's because my mom made me feel like I had to.


Katy Chester:
Sure. That can be really stressful, I'm sure. I remember my son first started talking to me about it. you know, just to kind of feel me out, see, like, how I would feel about that situation. And I really wanted to let him know that no matter what, I love you. And no matter what you choose, I love you no matter. That doesn't change how I love you. But, you know, I'm sure that younger, he probably felt the same. Like, how do I explain this to my dad that's a pastor? And, you know, I'm sure he thought that, like, I don't know he even had to go about this. So, I think that's pretty difficult.


Antonio Perez:
I wanted to be a good representation for my sister. She's two years younger than me, and I didn't want to give her the assumption or like have her think differently. So that's really sweet. It kind of did work out because my sister now is bisexual.


Katy Chester:
OK, so is it just the two of you or do you have more siblings? Yes, it's just OK. And you guys are pretty close.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, we were close. But ever since I moved to Michigan, she was kind of like, I guess, thrown back. And when I came back here, she had a boyfriend. Okay.


Katy Chester:
Hopefully soon, you guys will get close again. I know that for me, that's such a special relationship. I have only one brother and we know we go through our times, but it's such a big relationship and I'm so appreciative of that. So hopefully praying that works out. once you did, once you kind of knew that that was, who did you share it with?


Antonio Perez:
When I first came, I guess I shared my LGBTQIA plus pride with my friend at the time. Her name was Alicia. And I I think I'm attracted to males. And she looked at me and she was like, I always knew that I always dressed well. I got best dressed in high school and middle school. So she kind of had the feeling.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. See, I thought my husband was but you can't tell him this because I'm sure he won't listen because he dressed so well and he always like he ironed his shorts when I met him. I'm like. you're gay." And he's like, what? And I'm like, it's okay. So do you think it's easier for a guy, for the first person he kind of like, all right, I'm going to start to like, I'm going to pick that one person and share. Is it easier sometimes to tell a female that you feel close to?


Antonio Perez:
I think so. Yeah, I've always been attracted to talk to or felt comfortable with a woman, especially that's close to me. So a friend, a girlfriend, I've always had friends growing up.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. And her reaction. So she knew. So it wasn't a shock. So that probably felt good to get that out the first time and it not be like a negative reaction. So then moving from there, when was the next time you started to share a little bit more?


Antonio Perez:
The next time I started to share my gayness was with my best friend. He was a male, also belonging to the LGBTQ plus community. So I felt a little more comfortable to tell him. And he didn't come into my life until I was 15. So this was probably after I told my friend Alyssa. And how was his response? He actually gave me the courage to come out because he was already out.


Katy Chester:
OK, that's really good. So then when you came out, you came out to friends first and not family.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, friends first and then my family. It's a kind of funny story because my dad actually no idea. But my mom did and she told him it didn't give me the chance to tell my dad. And that's why.


Katy Chester:
Oh, how is that for you?


Antonio Perez:
It was actually very surprising because my dad is a very like straight man, super macho, really great acting. And I thought he was going to be like mad that I was gay, but he acted pretty well.


Katy Chester:
That's really good. Better than your mom.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah.


Katy Chester:
That's ironic. Yeah. Cause I always, I usually hear the other way around. So that's interesting. Yeah. We are so excited about our new program. It is not about disrupting the status quo. It is about empowering you to lead a life filled with strength, resilience, and joy. Join us on this exciting journey because disruption begins with you. Ready to make a positive change? Let's disrupt MS together. I can't wait to see you. Where did you feel the most support from?


Antonio Perez:
My friends. And then after my friends, I told my sister and then she told me a year later that she was bisexual. So I felt a little comfortable. But I did tell her I give her the courage to come out as well.


Katy Chester:
Yeah, good. I love that, that you have that connection. So having MS, do you find that to be, do you think it's more challenging for you to move into like the dating part and finding like the relationships? like not only being gay, but then trying to find a relationship in the MS community. Because we know like I hear a lot of that, like just dating in general is like hard. Like you've I've done the interviews where like, you know, someone's sitting on a stool, they're at a bar or something and they've got their walking stuff. And then all of a sudden the person sees it and they're like, hey, you know, it's great to meet you. Bye. And so talk to me about the difference in that in the MS community. and being gay and trying to find that connection.


Antonio Perez:
I actually was very surprised when I first started to talk about my disability on dating apps such as Tinder because I thought being disabled was going to ruin me. Actually, a lot of people were super supportive. It was because of my friend Brandon I met on TikTok that is also disabled gave me the courage to talk about it on dating apps.


Katy Chester:
Have you done any of the dating apps, the disability dating apps at all or no?


Antonio Perez:
I didn't even know that even was a thing.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. I did an interview with one. So it's datability, I think. They're two sisters and it's pretty cool. And it seems to be really taking off. I mean, desperately needed. I was like, really excited to hear about it.


Antonio Perez:
yeah because when i went on to tinder i didn't see a lot of disabled people there was one person that shared their diagnosis about being a disabled person before i even met them and i thought that was very encouraging to myself i was afraid to talk about it yeah


Katy Chester:
Yeah, I can't even imagine talking about that first or like making the connection and getting excited about it and then then finding out and being like, ooh, it's more than I can handle. now that you're a star, literally on TikTok, you share a lot and you're so loved and received on TikTok. Has that been a spot? Not that that's a dating community. I don't mean to say that in any way, but have you been able to find spots or people that you connect with and have like any connections like romantically that way?


Antonio Perez:
yeah i will get dms from people saying how they find me talking about my disability so publicly i guess they look up to me for talking about it so publicly and they want to get to know me now so i thought that was really nice because they said You seem like such a nice and respectful person. I would like to get to know you better. And I'm glad. Yeah. Because I always thought talking about it on social media was going to push me further back, especially on Instagram. Yeah. But now that I'm on Instagram, especially with TikTok, a lot of people actually want to talk to me.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. So have you met anybody on TikTok, like another guy on TikTok ever, that you're like, this could work?


Antonio Perez:
I did probably a couple of months ago. And we started out here and there.


Katy Chester:
I mean, TikTok, we're talking, you know, whenever I do a live or something, it's like from all over the world. So when you do a TikTok, do you ever meet anybody that's near you?


Antonio Perez:
Most definitely. Yeah. Now that I'm back in Texas and specifically, I have met a lot of people that are also disabled that want to get to more, not just talk. Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Good. That's really good because I know I always I love it when I'm on TikTok and all of a sudden I'll see someone near me and I'm like, oh, let's get lunch. Let's do something. So it's always really cool to have you been able to do that. Have you been able to meet any other people? Oh, not yet. So something to look forward to. That's so cool. That's awesome. With the dating stuff, as far as like trying to find any relationship or something like that, having MS, what do you find the most difficult thing?


Antonio Perez:
i guess the most difficult thing would be whenever i see or meet somebody and they see me using my walker they're kind of i guess iffy about it but then when they see that i can do other things i just don't walk the best anymore yeah they're like okay that's fine i'll push that to the side do you seem like a pretty good person on the inside i want to get to know you


Katy Chester:
Yeah, for sure. And it is always scary, you know, when people see that, because, you know, I'm still visible a lot of my symptoms. But, you know, 20 something years in, there's some things that are now getting more and more visible. And so I can see, you know, I'm not an old lady. So they're like, why is she walking with that? And I'm sure you feel the same. I'm always surprised, like if I'm using one of my, my Neowalk canes or something, and somebody just bulldoze me right past. And I'm like, sorry, didn't mean to get in your way. But it still blows my mind how people don't see us. You know, they just are like, always blowing by. And it's like, we're in the way.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, I still get those looks from people that see me in public using a walker, even one of my fashionable canes, and they're like, what's going on with you? Are you okay? So now I have tied in the whole AFL brace whenever I use my walker or cane, so it kind of blends in as to why I'm using it.


Katy Chester:
Yeah, that makes sense. What are you finding this last year or so that is changing or easier to meet someone? Are you finding it more difficult?


Antonio Perez:
I actually have found it a lot more easier now since I talk about my disability on TikTok. A lot of people know me now because of my disability here in San Antonio. They stumble across my page because the LGBTQIA plus community is pretty small in San Antonio. So of course, they're going to see me.


Katy Chester:
I would assume so in Texas.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, they want to befriend me. They think of me as a TikTok star. You kind of are.


Katy Chester:
You are. What would you like to see change in like the next, let's say, five years? What are the biggest things that you're like, wow, I would love to see this look different?


Antonio Perez:
I'm trying to work on my walking a lot more and trying to rely on just my cane because I'd rather use my cane than my walker. It just makes it a little more easier for me when I'm getting dressed because I'm very stubborn. I have to match my outfit with my cane, my walker, whatever.


Katy Chester:
We got to get you into one of the neo walkings.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah, most definitely.


Katy Chester:
I've been seeing your videos. Because we can get you a real hot one that matches. Yeah. All right. You ready for some fun questions? So who is your favorite pop diva?


Antonio Perez:
Oh, I would have to say she's probably not that prevalent anymore, but Britney Spears. Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Oh, girl, she's always going to be prevalent. What are you talking about?


Antonio Perez:
She has music forever.


Katy Chester:
Well, yeah, she's been a little bit of a wreck lately.


Antonio Perez:
So I'll probably have to say Doja Cat.


Katy Chester:
Yeah. Okay, so next question. What was your first, it's gotta be a fun one, gay awakening?


Antonio Perez:
My first?


Katy Chester:
It's gotta be fun, juicy.


Antonio Perez:
I don't know if I can talk about it on here.


Katy Chester:
Oh, we can, absolutely.


Antonio Perez:
It was probably when I got on my phone on an app called Grindr.


Katy Chester:
I had- That sounds juicy.


Antonio Perez:
with this person who was a lot older than me at that time. I think I was like 16 and he was 22.


Katy Chester:
Wow. First gay awakening.


Antonio Perez:
Yeah.


Katy Chester:
Have you ever had that happen where you've been online and there's been like these old dudes that have been like, hey, do you have a lot of that?


Antonio Perez:
I've been getting a lot recently because for some reason I'm just now getting on gay TikTok.


Katy Chester:
Oh, right. Yeah. Because I'm thinking like, just me heterosexually, I went one time before I met my husband, but I would get asked, like, you know, people come up, guys would come up on my thing and it'd be like, you know, a guy that was like in his fifties or sixties and like, you want to go out? And I'm like. No, Grandpa, I don't. I don't. And it would be like, then they get mad and they like, like, call you all these names. And like, I'm like, I don't know what to do. I don't know why you're so mad. So it was always these older men. And I'd be like, I don't I don't want to be your mom. I don't want to raise your kids. And so I'm getting off the site.


Antonio Perez:
I don't reply to them and I'm like, I'm sorry.


Katy Chester:
You know, I'm sure my I know our hearts are very, very connected. And when I first you would laugh at this, I honestly truly thought you had to respond to everybody. I did. I was like, how do I do this? This would take all day and all night. Do I have to say something kind to every person if I don't like wanted, I'm so sorry, I don't, I'm not ready for this. I felt so overwhelmed by it. And I was like, I can't do this anymore, goodbye. So I learned that you don't have to.


Antonio Perez:
And now that I have blown up on TikTok with the gay community, they now have DM'd me on Instagram, have found my Twitter, Snapchat, and I'm like, too much.


Katy Chester:
You're getting all the time. My husband laughs on Facebook. I'll show him, I'll say, these are the 20 men that want to take me away to some other country. Are you OK with that? And so I'll delete them. Or my marketing person will, because I'm like, I don't know where they found me, how they find us. But the same Twitter and stuff like that. It is funny whether it's on gay Tinder, whether it's on any community, It's like these stalkers that find you. But it's interesting to me, even on gay Tinder, they're like, look at that. Look at that hot stuff. Look at him. I want some of that. So they're going to find you no matter what. You're so freaking adorable. They're going to be like, yeah, I want to reply to everybody.


Antonio Perez:
But like you said, it gets overwhelming.


Katy Chester:
Yes. I mean, I think about just my own business and just, you know, doing making sure that I reply when I have a question and I look and I'm like, oh, I've got to respond to these. And so I can't even imagine doing that. But you're so good about that. I mean, if I ask you something, you respond so quick and you're always so precious about that. What would you like to say about this month and about, you know, everything going on?


Antonio Perez:
I would like to share, just go out there and let your flag fly.


Katy Chester:
I like it. If you could say one thing to someone, they're going through June and they're really feeling like, I want to come out, but they haven't said anything yet. They're not sure if they have that person that they can trust. What advice would you give them?


Antonio Perez:
For me, it was a lot easier coming out to friends first to start off and then going into families such as My sister, the gay community is very, I guess, heavily populated with acceptance. So I definitely recommend maybe going to a pride event, going to a drag show, just getting out there, getting your face out there.


Katy Chester:
What's your favorite drag show?


Antonio Perez:
My favorite drag show? Oh, I like Drag Branch on Sundays.


Katy Chester:
okay i'm gonna have to see because i don't know that one i'll have to ask my son and see that well i adore you and you know that and i'm so grateful that you did this with me because i think it's so important that we continue to share this and that it's not ever ever going to be this thing that's like that it's something that it not just accepted but celebrated and you know for me in my heart that the sickest thing for me was we don't accept this in church. You know how I feel about all of that. So that for me was in my younger years what I saw and was just sickening to me. I love how much that you do and I love that things are changing. It's never fast enough for me ever but I see them coming And I love you and I appreciate you sharing with me during this month. And next year, let's just like have a big party. I would love that.


Antonio Perez:
Group chat, group Zoom.


Katy Chester:
Yes. Yeah. And we can do that anytime, but I just so wanted to get this in with you in June. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of the month and no more ants crawling, no more itchy skin. That's going to be gone. Let's forget that. Let's get rid of it. Yeah. Hope you guys love this. Hope you love it as much as I love talking with Antonio. Hope that you were able to learn something and ask questions. Antonio, where can they find you if they want to find you on Instagram or TikTok?


Antonio Perez:
You can find me on my TikTok at MsWarriorAntonio and my Instagram at MsWarriorAntonio.


Katy Chester:
Awesome. And that'll also be on the bottom of the show notes. Thank you so much for being on here, Antonio.


Antonio Perez:
I really appreciate it.


Katy Chester:
So thank you so much for joining us today on move it or lose it podcast, where you can again, find us wherever you like your podcast, whether it's Apple, Spotify, and join us on that. And we can't wait to see you again. We're going to have a lot of exciting guests and working together. And as always, you'll hear us say at the end of every podcast, we are stronger together. So let's do it. Let's become stronger together. Have a great day.